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I miss him all day and underneath and even in my sleep. Deep within the cloying recesses of mind and soul, I can feel him. He is as much within me as he is without, for all that he is not here and will not be. And yet, perhaps he is here, ghost-like, on the shoulder of my small son, for Joshua is likewise driven by numbers. He is obsessed with distance, and time: with knowing how many and how

I wanted to talk a little bit more about my “slave meditation”. Sometimes when it is time for my slave meditation Master will have me kneel, or bow, or be in a specific position. Sometimes He will have a toy in my pussy, or He’ll have me restrained. Other times He just has me lay down and meditate. When I start my meditation I basically allow my breathing to slow down, close my eyes (sometimes Master blindfolds me, to help keep everything else out), and go inside. I meditate on Him, on my service, and on our marriage. As I’ve said before I do not really separate our M/s relationship from our marriage. So I meditate on us, basically. His rules, His orders, our interactions, sex, pain, pleasure, love, the list continues. ...

I got a latex dress the other day and here I am wearing it. Our Nooner was awesome. Tomas raped me (I fought tooth and nail but lost because he had a knife) and then he carved the word Slut on my backside with his knife. When he came, he shot his cum into my hand, and then made me lick it up. Then we had lunch at a really good french/asian fusion restaurant, and went back to work. What could be better? Rape is a good work out by the way.

What can I say about V festival, except that it was sunny, then windy, then wet, then dry and sunny again, then fucking pissing it down, and very very muddy. I had the most excellent time though. So first thing we did when we got home yesterday - after scraping the mud off ourselves and having a hot shower - was search on the interwebnet for the televised bits, so we could watch it all over again. And then I flaked out. Because my brain might think it's still nineteen, but my body definitely does not. My body, in fact, hurts like an old bastard. I think I'm probably going to have to go into training for next year's festival, which isn't necessarily a bad thing... I haven't worked out for years, and it shows. I will not let myself go. I must ...

He just noticed that sometime in the last little bit of time the link to our blog has been taken down from Spanking Blog.
Wow! We've been linked from Spanking Blog from very early in the life of this endeavor. Even though, as anyone who reads us with any regularity knows, we write very sporadically about spanking per se, somehow, we were included there for a very long time.
Now, it isn't like we invest a whole lot of energy in the business of "link-whoring." Links to other places on our blog come and go, and are entirely dependent on our sense of interest and connection to the other writers that we encounter. We don't keep links up that we don't have some sort of attachment to, and we don't maintain a gigantic blogroll of sites that we ...

i have shared this photograph of the chains Master has me wear before, but feel compelled to reveal and speak of them once again. i embrace them as they always serve to make me feel safe and owned.
recently, i asked my Owner if He would please consider allowing me to have heavier chains and He said yes. as i pondered where this desire came from, it became evident that it is a part of my ever deepening slavery. something that is occurring just as Master said it would. i crave more harsh treatment and the addition of things that will cause me to suffer more for He Who owns me.
Master understands.... ~softest of smiles~

Wow, sometimes it just kind of converges.
I have a new man in my life. He's pretty amazing and thinks I'm amazing.
I have a new woman in my life. She's intriguing me greatly. Beautiful.
I've had a struggle in the last year finding one relationship and now I have two.
One could potentially be a long term commited thing, he used committed first.
The other a very exciting, new dimension to my sexual repertoire and personal relationships.
How can I balance them both? Who the fuck knows. I don't. For now I will ...

I'm back at school with Master (!), and now facing some issues that I hadn't anticipated. During the summer, I didn't get to see Master frequently, but when I did, we were able to be with each other completely. We were both busy, but our schedules could be put on hold for a few days. Now, reading assignments, work, interviews, etc., are going to be lurking in the background, and sometimes these things can't wait or are never really finished. The time between visits will be significantly shorter, but the length of the visits themselves will (and have already) changed from a few days to a few hours. Being so close to him but not actually with him is quite torturous, and not in a good way. We won't be sleeping together every night we're together, ...

I spent most of yesterday being a domestic slave. I had a big long list of chores to get done. I have until Wednesday evening to complete the list or I am getting a punishment spanking. I've been promised that it will be painful and that I'll be having a serious visit with Darth Vader if it doesn't get done. No excuses this week. Last week was so hot and I didn't get much done. It's hard with two kids home. I admit I've really let the housework slide. I know he wants the place cleaned up for his holiday coming up and also my mom's visit. She is coming next week and is a real neat freak.
I worked my ass off with the thoughts of a punishment spanking on my mind. Those are not very fun or erotic. He can be a very mean old man when he's in Darth ...

Friday I wanted to set up a more in depth and detailed scene. It has been some time since I put together a more elaborate scene, some mindfucks and taking my girl to her edge mentally. I felt we needed something like that tonight. I have been wanting to do an outdoor scene for a while but hot weather, bugs, rain and kids have all kept me from doing it. Well the Stars aligned and it was the perfect day for it. So I spent the afternoon carefully picking out a little girl outfit, getting all the needed equipment like the blanket slapper, rope, feathers, floggers, cameras and other things out to the trees beside our house. Being they were sappy pine trees, I also uses some old nylon rope to tie rings to the tree, this allowed me to tie the hemp to the ...

today was my weigh in day- although i cheated and weighed myself yesterday too.. i have lost 2 lbs.. i changed my weekly goal to 2 lbs instead of 5 because 5 is just too unrealistic... i put that number on yself, not Master.. all He wants is me to be in shape and healthy...
i did not follow my food or exercise rule very well this past weekend. i went to a party and ended up having 2 beers, which is not allowed, and although i didnt eat alot, i ate the wrong kind of foods.. i havent heard from Master all day today, which isnt normal- so i guess i did get the no communication punishment after all. but, i dont think its fair- i think its mean and hurtful.. you should at least tell someone if they are being punished, not just disappear.. thats all ...

It's always hard for me to get going again after being away from the city for over a week. It's hard to get back into the daily routine. It's difficult for me to find something to post about when there is so much rattling around in mind seeking articulation. When I come back i try to catch up on the blogs out there, and I gotta tell you, there are some really interesting words out on the internet. I get so caught up in reading them that my own creativity gets stifled.
So, here are some random things in and around the city:
Working with concrete: about a year ago I bought some plastic molds to make garden stones. I also bought a poetry kit which allows you to make bricks, then imprint some poetic words on each to form a poem. I ...

Dear readers, as you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging as much as I use to. I am fine. It is just that I haven't had much to say, lately. This is a little lazy, I know, but on the other hand I feel bad just writing something I don't have my heart in. I have been blogging since November 2006, and on average I have had two blogposts per week (at least when I haven't been on holiday). I m

 I've got a week off this week to babysit builders who are erecting some outdoor patios (i.e. covers for outdoor play areas). After getting up at 7am and waiting around until 9:30am with no builders in sight, I decided to call the company and find out what was going on: 
"They'll be there tomorrow," said the chirpy voice at the end of the phone.
It was at that stage that I thought to myself that I'm home, alone, for an entire day with nothing to do. (Of course, technically, I had lots of things to do like cleaning, tax returns and gym classes...but who the hell wants to do those things??? ) So my brain was busily thinking of other things that I could do to fill my day like.....masturbation! Yay!
I'm not quite sure what ...

CC is out of the country for just over a week. I find that more stressful than you can imagine, especially now that I’m working. I work very hard at this parenting stuff, but I jumped in with twin 5 year olds and am still trying to catch up sometimes! Unfortunately I think Master finds it even more stressful, because to a certain extent she and I function as a married couple from a planning perspective, and he doesn’t usually have to deal with things like “Who will take the boys to school? How do we fit in dinner between karate and boy scouts?” If I wasn’t working full time, and early in the morning, I’d be a lot more free to help, but the morning hours at least are all his. This is a week when it is ...

Back from mourning the loss
and celebrating the life
of the woman murdered by the Taliban.
I'm not really in the mood to write
but didn't want you all to worry.
I'm going to curl up with Marko now.

Sir pushes me…i’m sure that has been extremely evident over the course of this entire blog. He pushes me to where He wants me to go…always has…and always will.
One thing He is masterful at is pushing me to the brink of despair, and then He just dangles my feet over that brink before eventually bringing me back to him. He has a method…a way…and nothing i can do to ‘prepare’ for it helps, because He will change it up in the blink of an eye. i have learned to ...

We meet at the predetermined nightclub. She’s wearing a tight black button down blouse, a metallic looking black skirt with a small slit just above the knee and silver high heels with stockings. With her pretty blonde hair and pink lip gloss she looks amazing.
She can tell from the look on my face and bulge that I’m pleased with her appearance. I grab her waist and pull her to me giving her a long luscious kiss slipping my tongue along and inside those pretty glossed lips. The vibration of the music reverberates between us, feeling the beat of every note.
I hold her arm as we walk through the club, proceeding to the dance floor I notice many pairs of eyes on her as we make our way to the bar along side the dance floor. We sit at the ...

It's not at all unusual for me to ask a client, "So, what are you in the mood for today?"It's also not unusual for the client to respond, "Uh, I dunno. Whatever you'd like to do, Mistress." While I appreciate the verbal carte blanche, the thing is ... well, if there was something I was of a particular mind to do, I'd do it. I ain't askin' ya just to be polite.
Fact of the matter is, I've got a lot of stuff. There are innumerable things I am capable of doing with the gear I've got. If I may be so immodest, it's a bit of an embarrassment of riches and it's not always easy for me to just pick one. Or five. I also have a fairly active practice, so if I'm keen for a particular scene, the likelihood I have a client on my schedule who would *love* ...